


I can have neither of you.

by mjeanuniverse



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, past Durin incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 19:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjeanuniverse/pseuds/mjeanuniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot fic was  inspired by bluepeony's work Branches we bind.  This fic takes up the morning after the events that occur in Branches we bind.  It is my own take out what COULD have happened next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can have neither of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This single shot is rather dark. Admittedly, I am in an unusual mood today and for some reason decided to write this out as I was waiting for my next case to get started. After I saw the Hobbit movies, yes, regrettably I have seen all of them, and I thought what would have happened if Fili had just said 'fuck it, I'm outta here. I have given it my best, but really my family can be some major assholes and I need to go my own way. ' I had read bluepeony's works Bound and Branches we bind long ago and thought I would play it out a step further. In my own twisted, Fili-loving, not so much with Kili, way. Some will not like it and that is ok, they don't have to read it.

He knows his brother will come to him. Shaken, confused, and sobbing. Just has he had as a dwarfling and now again once he had made his intentions known to his uncle and brother. Thorin had been so unkind. There is no way round it. So had he, Fili thinks bitterly. So this is what is has come to? 

He had been so very happy when Thorin’s attentions had finally, FINALLY turned towards him for once. They had begun an affair, not in secret, not as some shameful thing, but a loving, coming together of two dwarves. All that is gone. Thorin has been revealed for the manipulating, control freak that Fili is half in love with and half despises. Well, Fili muses, Thorin is king and if they are nothing else, it is manipulative and controlling in all things. 

Long ago, Fili had taken on the task of keeping his younger brother safe and happy. It had been the very last words his father had imparted on him when that good dwarf had lain dying on his death bed. Looking back, Fili can say with fair certainty that he has upheld that promise made to his father. Until now. At Thorin’s bidding he had caused his little brother to be used in a most unsavory way and he played a part in it. How had his want of his uncle’s love allowed him to stoop so low? 

Stop it! He says to himself bitterly. ‘ My actions and deeds are my own and while I can try to shift the blame to Thorin for my part of what transpired, that would be a lie.’

These words are spoken aloud, but to an empty room. Thorin had already left for breakfast that morning, leaving Fili to ponder the previous night’s events and goings on. 

What had once been the room where he had had some of his most treasured memories, is now an unwelcome and foreboding prison. In this room only two nights prior, he and Thorin had made love for hours. Fiercely and passionately, then tenderly and gently. It had been everything Fili had ever wanted. 

But that was before. That was before Thorin had divulged to Fili the fact that Kili had come to their uncle for his own tryst with Thorin in the woods. And Thorin had obliged his youngest sister son. He always had. Fili had been so hurt and angry at his brother. Why in all the gods’ name? Why had Kili had to insert himself in Thorin’s and Fili’s relationship? 

Fili laughs bitterly outloud and the sound bounces off the walls back at him in mockery. Because Kili always will have whatever Fili has, that is why. His brother could not let Fili have his own time and his own special relationship with their uncle. Kili had enjoyed a childhood relationshop of indulgence with Thorin, while the king had been a hard and relentless taskmaster with his golden heir. At the time, FIli had said so be it. He was fulfilling his obligation to the father by letting Kili soak up THorin’s time, attention, and loving approval. 

That had changed on the quest. For the first time ever, THorin had sought out Fili’s company. Not to teach, but to relax and smoke while discussing the various and sundry trials the company had experienced on that day’s journey. It had been during one of those spring nights, early in the quest, that Thorin had reached for Fili. Had touched him with in the same tender and loving manner that Fili had seen so often used with his brother in past, but never himself. 

Those touches had morphed into more and then still more further. Fili had been in heaven under Thorin’s ministrations, but before that very first time, the first time Fili had let Thorin lay him down in the soft grass to join together as one, he had asked his uncle, very explicitly and very directly if this was something that Thorin did with Kili as well. At the time, THorin had scoffed at the idea and had assured Fili it was just he, Fili, his heir, alone that he wanted. What a damnedable lie that was! 

Not only had THorin lain with Kili, he had subsequently convinced Fili to join in some kind of horrific threesome. To what end, Fili neither cared nor needed to know now. It had been wrong. He had been wrong. About Thorin. About Kili. And most importantly in his own actions. Now the question was what to do about? 

Sighing heavily, he knew what he had to do. It would just not be pleasant. For anyone. He sets about making preparations to execute his decision. 

At the breakfast table his brother thumps down next to him and turns to him. Before Fili can speak, Kili is crying and accusing, well, not accusations, more like stating fact actually. 

‘How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me?! You are supposed to love me, Fili! You hurt me!!’ Kili sobs out. The entire company stops mid chew or mid conversation to turn to stare at the two. The company had known about THorin and Fili. Their sexual relationship had been out in the open for months now, so they think it is just about Kili’s jealousy for their king’s new found romance with his heir. Fili is eternally grateful that they do not know the truth.

‘Not here. ‘ Fili fairly snarls at his brother. He can feel Thorin’s eyes on him and when he looks up he can see the smug smirk on his uncle’s face. It makes his blood boil and his rut roil in anger. 

‘Let us talk outside.’ 

His brother sniffles and follows him outside. 

‘I am sorry, Kili. What we…what I did was wrong and I do not expect you to ever forgive me. I do not think I can forgive myself. That is why I am leaving the quest. ‘

‘Oh , aye! We can leave together…’

‘No!’ Fili says sharply, cutting Kili off. ‘No, I am leaving. I hate myself for what I did. I hate Thorin for putting us in that position. I even....hate you a little for approaching Thorin, knowing that he and I were together, but still...I should not have done what I did. You can do what you will. You are a grown dwarrow, Kili, you can leave the quest yourself, but you will not be coming with me.’

Kili gapes, open mouthed at his brother. ‘Wha…what are you going on about? We’re always together. We should always be together!’

‘No, not any longer. I need to get away from Thorin and from you. I am ashamed of what I did last night. It was wrong and I need to get away from you both.’ 

‘Over my dead body.’ It is Thorin’s deep baritone. FIli whirls around to see their uncle standing proud and erect in the doorframe. 

‘If need be.’ Fili answers darkly. 

That sets Thorin back on his heels a bit. He is not used to a defiant Fili. He expects the blonde to jump to fufill his every command, his every need and want just he always had. Thorin’s eyes narrow dangerously at his heir. 

‘I am leaving the company…to where I do not know, but I cannot stay here.’ 

Thorin cocks his head at Fili’s words, while Kili argues with him. ‘You CANNOT leave. Not without me!’ 

‘Aye, aye, he can.’ Thorin finally says, coldly.

Fili bows his head in agreement and in deference to Thorin’s position as king and the leader of their company. He alone can grant Fili leave. He has done so.

‘Just know, you will never be welcomed back…never will we share what we once did, lad.’ There is it then. Foolish old goat, Fili thinks. The thought of having THoirn touch him again makes his skin crawl so the not-so-veiled threat is actually no threat whatsoever.

‘Perfect, as I will never again seek to do so. Farwell, uncle. I wish you and the company good speed to getting to Erebor and good fortune once you are there.’

Thorin rears back in surprise. He had not expected Fili to react this way at all. The lad had always been one to try so hard to please. Kili makes to follow his brother. 

‘No. I will go alone.’

‘You cannot leave me!’ Kili wails, trying to clutch at Fili’s fur lined jerkin. 

Pushing his brother’s hand away from him, Fili answers. ‘Aye, I can and I am. You got what you wanted Kili. You’ve got Thorin. ‘

‘But I want you.’ Kili whimpers

‘But I do not want you. Not in that way at least.’ Fili says softly. He does not what to hurt Kili, but he cannot help the way he feels. He shudders at the thought of ever touching Kili again. 

  

‘Once you have retaken the mountain, I will notify you of where to find me. I plan to settle somewhere that will have me. Set up a forge, take a wife or a husband even.’ Fili tries to laugh, but it comes out as a cough. 

Thorin barks in disapproval. ‘Never been one for aiming high have you, lad?’ He sniffs in contempt at Fili’s plans. 

‘That is your opinion, uncle. You are welcome to it. Just as I am allowed my own.’ 

The blonde turns to gather his pack, his gear, and other supplies that he had stashed outside earlier that morning. 

‘You can keep Thorin, Fili. I wouldn’t interfere again.’ Kili makes one last attempt to stay his brother’s departure. 

‘No, I don’t want him. Not anymore at any rate.’ Fili says to his brother but eyes their uncle. ‘It is not likely that you would keep that promise anyway, Kili. ‘ 

‘Hey… that’s not fair…’ Begins Kili, but Thorin's deep voice drowns out Kili’s words.

‘What IS it you want, Fili? You could have both of us if you’d like.’ 

‘Aye, oh aye, wouldn’t that be grand, Fili? The three of us!’ Kili cries in relief. 

It is Filli’s turn to rear back in surprise. His uncle is bargaining with him now to get him to stay? Offering him a measure of control in their relationship? Oh ho…Fili has never seen this side of Thorin. It gives him the resolve and confidence to do that which he knows is right, but it hurts like dragon fire to do it. 

‘No, I can have neither of you. I hope you find great joy in one another.’ Fili lies through his teeth, but still shoulders his pack and supplies and strides off. He has never felt such searing pain in his whole life, but then again, he has never felt so damn free either. At last, at long last, the road is finally open to go where he chooses to go and how fast, without having to constantly worry over measuring up to his uncle’s expectations, winning his uncles' affections, or worrying over his brother’s safety. He begins to whistle softly as he goes and his steps feel lighter with each and every stride away from the troubles behind him. 

And trouble does indeed lie behind him; for although, Thorin Oakenshield and company are successful in ridding the Lonely Mountain of the dragon and defeating the hordes of goblins who had showed up to avenge the death of the Great Goblin back in Goblintown, their victory was short-lived. It is immediatley after Fili’s departure, the remaining members of the company see how Thorin caves quickly and completely to dragon sickness, the love of the gold over all else. He is mortally wounded in the Battle of Five Armies and dies in his tent begging Kili to go find his blonde brother and bring him home to Erebor.

Kili for his part, is left as King Under the Mountain after Thorin’s death for a time. A short time. A very short time. He spends most of his few days as lord and ruler of the Lonely Mountain flailing about and railing loudly and constantly against his brother’s and his uncle’s utter betrayal of him. He then claims to fall in love, rather quickly some would say, with an elf maid and is forced to abdicate the throne and title of King Under the Mountain by the dwarven council. Kili goes off to only Mahal knows where with said elf maid. They are never heard from again. Most assume they found happiness together, somewhere. 

Lord Dain from the Iron Hills sets about to the real work that befalls a king to an almost completely destroyed and decrepit kingdom, and he sees to it that Erebor is once again restored to its former glory. Fili sends two letters to Erebor, both addressed to his brother but neither is ever answered. He gets down to the pleasant, if rather mundane, life as a simple blacksmith and husband. He is happy, fulfilled, and content for the rest of his days.


End file.
